When Tragedy Strikes Home: Some Tips for Family and Friends of the Hurting

My heart aches at the news of another broken family. Another tragedy hit all too close to home.
By no means do I have all the answers for why tragedy strikes again, and I’m not an expert on the topic. However, I do have a bit of experience in a similar situation and in the past 2 years, I have learned a lot about my reactions and needs in the midst of grief. I hope these experiences and observations can assist some who may be impacted by Mitchell’s life.

1. Students don’t learn a lot about grief until it’s knocking on their door. It can be very helpful for a person to be affirmed that their struggles, weird emotions and need for comfort are OKAY and NORMAL. One morning following another family death, I woke up extremely angry, for no known reason. I just felt so much anger, which is very unusual for my personality. When a friend asked how I was doing I told her honestly, “I’m struggling with being really angry today, I’m not sure why but I know it’s a part of grief.” She didn’t look at me weird or run away, she just had compassion and allowed me to share.
Let students share. Invite them to share when those weird, unexpected things pop up.

2. You don’t have to have all the answers or know exactly what to do. Following tragedy, I had moments when I wanted to do random, mindless things that nobody could have predicted. One frigid afternoon, a group of friends and I went snowshoeing. Despite my constant complaints about how tiring it was, they entertained my desire to get some fresh air and exercise. People need different things, ask them what they need! It’s okay to have a healthy dose of distractions sometimes, it’s also okay to treat them like nothing has changed if they request that kind of company. At first, just be there with an open heart and some un-biased free time to do whatever they may need.

3. Please be a stable force of love in the lives of students who are struggling with a drastically new reality. You can be a stable force even when tears are streaming down your face. Acknowledge sadness yet hold tight to the truths that remain. Yes, things have changed. Yes, someone very special is no longer with us. However, I am still here, we are still here and we are still moving forward. We are still on the same path (finishing high school or finishing the season).
-Some very influential leaders in my life held me tight and cried hard after they heard the news. They hardly knew my family, but they cried because they knew that it was painful. They didn’t try to give me answers, they just acknowledged that loss is really hard sometimes. Later, they went on to provide the same expectations and treat me same as they had before. This was drastically comforting and influential. I knew that they would be willing to listen when I needed to talk because of the way that they opened their heart to my pain at the beginning.

4. It’s often very tempting to ask questions about the gruesome details of the accident or things such as funeral arrangements and the person’s belongings, etc. While those are necessary immediate questions, don’t forget to ask about who the person was. This may sound scripted or cliché, but different questions can help us to remember the positives. Questions such as:

               -What’s your favorite memory of him/her?

               - What is one thing that you learned from him/her?

               - What is something that you liked to do together?

Or bring up a funny memory of that person at an appropriate time.

5. Give grace. For your sake, don’t take things too personally. If someone isn’t ready to talk right away, give time. If they don’t answer your calls immediately, provide forgiveness and remain stable and dependable.

             
Obviously, there are some more important things to keep in mind, especially when you suspect students are having a particularly hard time with loss. Professionals can provide great resources. There are just some things that were new to me and hopefully provide some insight.

You are all in my prayers.

Rachel Gatehouse (Therrian) 
LaSalle Alumni, 2011

A Much Needed Update

Since December, many of you have been so faithfully desiring to keep in touch with me and keep tabs on how my family and I are doing. I think that I have finally been able to take a breath long enough to give you an update on where I’ve been and where I’m going.

Following Emilee’s funeral, I returned to CMU to finish my fall semester exams. That was one of the most difficult weekends of this whole journey, but I made it through and finished the semester with grades as good as I could have hoped for. I’m still in awe as I reflect on the support and help that came to me at that time. Thank you, friends!

In January, I returned to CMU to finish my junior year. I completed my first semester in the Communication Disorders program, which is known to be the most stressful portion of the program. Well, the rumors are true. This was definitely the most academically demanding semester I’ve faced. Despite the fact that I consistently declared, “I can’t do this!”, I was able to complete the semester and managed to actually learn some things along the way. My name even ended up on the honors list, despite all of the ups and downs. More than ever, I saw the Lord provide in the midst of deepest need. I still look back on those months in awe as I consider the depth of my sorrow and the fact that I somehow made it through.

I’m sure that I’ll continue to learn and grow as I reflect on the past five months. But for now, I’m just thankful that the winter has ended and we're celebrating a new new season: Summer!

So where in the world am I now!? Camp.

On May 24, I left the U.P. once again to spend the summer as a counselor at The Springs. In my experience, returning to “life as normal” is one most difficult parts of the grieving journey. Going back to camp was just another step of my journey. Despite how un-prepared I felt and sometimes still feel, God is showing me that He provides. Where better a place to meet with God than a place full of fun, fellowship and food! One of the reasons I am so drawn to camp is that it’s away. It’s away from the noise of our busy, bustling world. It has been quite a blessing to serve here and I'm looking forward to the last month of campers!

Some of you are probably wondering about my family and nephew, Andon. Andon just turned 2 on June 3^rd! My parents have custody of him and have been caring for him. I was able to spend some time with him before camp and I've made a few visits so far this summer. He is right at home there and he has become quite attached to “grandma” as his new mother figure. It’s a new challenge for them to have a toddler in the house. Day by day, they continue to pour themselves out for him as he learns and grows. It's hard to believe how much he's grown since December. Each time I see him, he is a little different. It's so great to see, as long as he still remembers his “aunt Rachel”! He is currently seeing a speech therapist and occupational therapist to assist his development. He's a little behind in these areas but early intervention has been very helpful so far. Summer time allows two of his favorite activities – being outside and playing in water!



My big sister Cesilee was able to be a part of Andon's birthday celebration via technology and a HUGE box of presents! We missed her there but it was so great to at least be able to talk with her on his special day. She is planning a visit to the U.P. this fall. We're very much looking forward to being back together again soon!

In the midst of the whirlwind of the last 7 months, I've done a poor job of keeping in touch and thanking all of the people who have come along side of us. Perhaps that's because there are too many to count! If you're one of those who have extended hugs, love, prayers or one of the many other blessings – Thank you! I simply cannot express how thankful I am to have had such a loving, caring community surrounding us! There's part of this journey must be fought on a personal level, things that we must do on our own. However, there are many burdens that have been lifted, in part, by others. What a sweet privilege it has been to share both my sorrows and joys with you all. I hope to share all that I'm still learning some time in the near future. Stay tuned, friends. It is well.

With gratitude and love,

Rachel Therrian

Blessed to be a Student

As I was walking to class today, I realized something; In the course of one week here at CMU, I’ll attend 11 class sessions and study under 6 different professors. I’ll gain a deeper understanding of how we as humans develop this crazy communication system called language as well as how we hear sounds and what hinders our ability to do that. I’ll also gain skills in teaching strategies and American Sign Language and a deeper understanding of  chemistry and how all of the things in our world mold and mix in perfect harmony. Just for fun, I get to add a dash of Deaf culture to the mix which allows me to better understand my dad’s natural language and heritage.

 All of this will be done alongside peers who challenge, help and encourage me as we learn together.

What a blessing it is to be a student!

With semester end just around the corner I've been quick to lose sight of the truth that being a student is a beautiful privilege. How great it is to be here learning what I love and preparing for the future! 

My dear friends, whether you’re a student in high school, college or even in the workplace, don’t forget to be thankful for the opportunity to learn.

 Knowledge should never be an unwanted burden, but a lens through which we gain a deeper understanding of the world around us. The deeper we dig into these things, the more clearly we can see God’s great design for his creation and his plan for redeeming it. 

Keep pressing on towards deeper understanding as a means of growth and worship! As you learn more, may you be drawn closer to the Lord who created that which we labor to study and comprehend. 

“This most beautiful system of the sun, planets and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent and powerful Being.” 

― Isaac Newton, The Principia: Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy

 “The instinct of brutes and insects can be the effect of nothing else than the wisdom and skill of a powerful ever-living agent.”- Isaac Newton

Let the Sun Shine.

Well, friends, it's October 28. Do you know what that means? One month until Thanksgiving!

"Who counts down the days until Thanksgiving?" That's right, I do! Because there's no better time to start being intentional about having a spirit of thankfulness.

 Why wait until the third Thursday of November? Let's be thankful now! As you turn your minds to the things that you've been blessed with, may you walk a little taller, smile a little bigger and find more joy in the daily blessings that we've been given!

Today, I'm thankful for...
-The one tree in my yard that's bright red leaves stand out in rebellion against the dreary, fallen leaves surrounding it
-The joy of serving
-The peace of knowing that the Lord is sovereign
-A warm blanket to keep me cozy and warm while I work on homework
-Pictures that remind me of the many sweet and precious friendships I get to enjoy

Please share some of these blessings as they come to your mind, let's rejoice together! What are you thankful for, today?

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

The Bare Necessities

I thought I'd send you all to a moment of nostalgia for a few minutes as we all prepare to enter a new season of life...fall/winter! I wrote this post last spring, but just found it in the archives and decided that it still needed to be posted.

The Bear Necessities

"I recently used this song for a group project in my American Sign Language class. It was so fun to listen to this song again.
However, the main message of this song took on a new meaning for me a few weeks ago. Cling to the bare necessities, the basic needs of life. "Don't spend your times looking around for something you want, that can't be found".

What do we really need to survive? In the U.S. we've been taught to believe that we need cell phones, at least one vehicle, countless articles of entertainment and a beautiful house to store it all in. We even need decorations, paintings and wall paper on our walls just to ensure that we would never have to endure the atrocity of having something boring or basic in our lives (I can just see some of the TLC interior design guru's coming to tears at that thought).
Ok, let's think about this on a very basic level from a viewpoint that spans beyond U.S. culture. What do we need to survive? Food, water, shelter and people. That's it. All of that other stuff is extra.We won't die from having plain walls, a rusty car or an outdated wardrobe. These four things are the bare necessities.

A heart attack almost took my dad's life last Saturday, April 13. I know, we're not the first family to go through this scary experience and, unfortunately, we won't be the last. However, the value and frailty of life becomes much more evident after an experience like this. My dad's heart stopped and his body seized. He was on the bridge between life and death. When he was finally resuscitated, he looked in the teary eyes of the nurses around him and the doctor said "Happy birthday, you've just started life over again".

What an eye opening experience and story this has been to me. What does a singing bear have to do with it all? Well, I've been reminded to cling to the bear necessities, the simple things. Life beyond this moment is not guaranteed to us. What are you going to spend your precious moments chasing? Put yourself in my dad's shoes (or anyone else who has gone through something like this). What would you hold closer? What would you stop caring so much about?

We have been continuously praising God for providing my dad with more time here on earth. For giving him breath and life once again. May you be reminded that your every breath is a gift."

A Beautiful Story.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Walk Thru the Old Testament seminar at a nearby church. What a blessing this event was! I must confess, towards the end, my eyes grew quite heavy but I'm sure that the materials and knowledge I walked away were was very much worth it!

It served as a great reminder that the Bible is a story. A beautiful, intriguing, captivating story. It's full of drama, pain, family tensions and wrestling. Most importantly, it's a story of beautiful redemption! It's like one of those movies with a warm happy ending that's much bigger and grander than you could have imagined. When the movie ends, we usually just sit there smiling like fools with a warm, fuzzy feeling in our hearts wishing that we could be part of a story like that!  Well, folks, I have good news for you. You are a part of a story like that! You are part of a captivating, beautiful story of hope, joy and peace.

Are you captivated by the story?

A First Time for Everything

So, I'm a newbie here. It's another first in my life: my first blog!  I'm going to try my best to make this a place where I can (hopefully) encourage you through the things God has taught me and is still teaching me.

You see, through my (short) years, I've learned some pretty awesome things about life and faith! I don't claim to know it all. Actually, I know very little but what I do know is so awesome, that I couldn't wait to share. So, here I am!

The title of this blog is very significant to me. If we're being honest with ourselves, sometimes life just feels like a mess. It can be challenging, confusing, heart breaking and at times it can feel downright impossible. We don't have to look far to see the brokenness not only in our own lives but in the world around us. With abuse, violence, cheating, lying, selfishness, lust, and so many other sins taking over our culture, sometimes it seems hopeless; like we're too far gone.

I've had a few ups and downs in my life and some pretty tough things have crossed my path. It's safe to say that I've been discouraged by what feels like a mess of a life and the mess that's around me.
 But there's a beautiful truth that has helped me through. It has given me hope and a reason to keep on keeping on. There's meaning in the the midst of my mess and there's meaning in yours too!!

If we had to try to find a glimpse of hope in this broken world, we would have one tough search! But, we don't have to find our hope here. If you would look beyond the distractions and look to the one who created us, the one who gave us life, you would see that we have a purpose and a hope much better than anything this world has to offer!!

God created us and this world that we live in to be something beautiful. It was meant to glorify Him, but we twisted it. We sinned. Every day when we sin we are taking things that God created to be for good and for His glory and we're making them about us; about our pleasure, our glory and our desires. When we disobey God's laws we think we're being the creative ones by doing things our own way so they might bring more pleasure or joy. That's taken us here, to this place of brokenness, pain and hurt.

 The beautiful thing is that God is offering His grace and redemption. He's offering to take these things that we've made a mess out of and turn them into something beautiful, into something that can bring us true joy! This true joy and peace flows out of a heart that trusts in Him and obeys His laws. His laws were meant to keep peace and to guide us to joy as we fulfill our original purpose as His creation. It's kind of like when your parents set rules for you as a kid. They set those rules to keep you safe, because what you wanted wasn't always the best thing for you at the time. That's how I think of God's laws for us. They're for our good and when we trust Him and obey them, it's for our own good. The greatest of God's laws says: "you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37). This is the meaning in the mess! This is the greatest of God's laws that were meant to keep peace and give Him glory and give us joy! Love God. That is at the center of a life of true joy!

My hope for you is that you would know the true joy of loving God with your whole heart. Accept the forgiveness that he has offered through a perfect sacrifice, His son Jesus Christ, and take hold of the life that we were created to live: a life of joy and hope in something so much better than what this world has to offer. God can bring meaning in the midst of your mess, joy in the midst of your sorrow and hope in the midst of your fear! Trust Him.


This amazing, crazy sounding story is what puts meaning in my mess, spring in my step and hope in my life!
My short years have been a journey of learning this truth and so many others. In the next weeks/months/years I plan to share things that I've written along the way as  well as the things that I continue to learn. My hope is that my words will in some way encourage or challenge you to find the meaning in your life and follow God wholeheartedly. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!

One last matter of business: I will do my best to give credit where credit is due and I ask that you'd do the same! Thanks for reading! :)